Oh No!!!!!

I will start this post by saying that the purpose of this blog is to share my journey. All parts of my journey. good and bad.  That being said, I must share the fact that my train derailed the last couple of days. Monday started out well. I had a good weigh in and everything seemed great. As the day progressed I started to feel very tired. Almost felt like I was run down.  So I decided to take the day off from the gym and eat some extra calories thinking it was from my lack of calorie intake. My first 2 meals were solid and my last I had more of a cheat meal in order to give myself a big boost in calories.  But it didn't seem to help.  Monday night I really couldn't sleep; I just felt sluggish and foggy. Tuesday morning I woke up with a huge headache. And this is where things went bad for me very quickly. My first true test and I failed. I was home with my youngest daughter and feeling like crap so I reverted to the old me. Instead of muscling through and making something healthy I ordered a pizza, breadsticks and, the worst part, a 2 liter of Coke.  I knew I shouldn't have but at that point I didn't care. I rationalized it to myself that it was only because I wasn't feeling good. I rationalized that it was easier for me and also so my little one could eat. I lied to myself to get what 'fat me' wanted. I regretted it from the minute I ordered it. But that didn't stop me from eating it.  This morning I woke up with a clear head and lots of regret and anger towards myself. Especially when I stepped on the scale. It's amazing how fast it can come back.  This wasn't a true derailment but more of like hitting a dear at 70mph in your car. It's dangerous, jacks your ride up, and has the potential to keep you from driving again. However, it's nothing that can't be fixed. While I'm very disappointed in myself, it has taught me something very important. No matter how strong I feel on any given day, 'fat me' will always be in the wings waiting for his opportunity to take back control.  I lost yesterday's battle but the war is far from over.  So I will pick myself up off the floor, put yesterday in the past and make today a positive day.